5 people having a worse Monday than you.

5. Beyonce. Queen Bey has been accused of committing the cardinal sin of celebrity Instagramming: photoshopping her body. Specifically, the singer-goddess is suspected of photoshopping the image above to increase her "thigh gap." Thigh gaps are the must-have body-part separation of the season, and there are some red flags in the photo. Beyonce's leg looks sort of wavy and the line in the grass doesn't continue between her legs. But I, for one, think she's innocent. If she wanted to improve a particular part of her body, Beyonce would simply command it to change, and it would obey. At the very least, she'd get one of her minions to do a much better job of photoshopping.

(file photo)

4. Anyone who left taking part in the great civic privilege that is Tax Day to the very last minute. You're definitely not one of these people. You did your taxes way back in late January, when you first got your W-2 in the mail. Since you'd been tracking business expenses in an Excel spreadsheet and keeping tax-related paperwork in a neat filing system, doing your taxes only took about an hour. It was almost fun! And you used the extra time you've had these last few months to help build a community garden. There's always another way to give back, you upstanding citizen, you!

(photo via Andalnes Avis)

3. An unlucky fisherman who caught a nice, big cod, only to cut it open and find a dildo inside. There's a first time for everything, and today's the first day I gave an image the filename "FishDildo." So obviously, I'm having a great Monday, but this poor Norwegian guy is not. Bjorn Frilund, 64, of Norway, was gutting a cod when he discovered a large, orange battery-powered dildo inside of the fish. And I mean, you can't very well eat a fish once you've discovered its kinky tastes in food. It gives the fish too much personality.

(file photo)

2. People trying to make a little money renting out their apartments on Airbnb. Things were already looking a little bad for Airbnb users. The company is trying to get recognized (on a state-by-state basis) as a hospitality company so they can start collecting tax. Now, according to the New York Post, prostitutes are using apartments they find on Airbnb as rendezvous points for sex. Apartments are often cheaper and more discreet than hotels, plus you get to meet some neat local hosts and explore parts of the city you might not otherwise end up in. I'll continue to hold firm to my well-researched position on Airbnb: some of my friends use it and they think it's great.

1. Anyone about to embark on a bagel-free week for Passover. Well, hello there, sesame bagel. Is that a piece of gefilte fish in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you? Actually, it is gefilte fish. It seemed like a convenient spot to put it at the time, but now it's leaking everywhere, and, well, sorry about that. A week is not a very long time, and yet somehow, a week with no bread feels like an eternity. If you're ever forced to say goodbye to the love of your life who is being shipped overseas, and you really wish the next week would stretch out forever, try not letting yourself eat bagels, crackers, tortillas, or baguettes. By the end of seven days, you'll be like, "Look Harry, I can't exactly start patiently awaiting your return from the front lines until you get going, so..."